You Were

You were my first crush in FEU-NRMF. Someone I called gay for being quiet, mysterious and aloof at first. Someone, in return, called me tomboy for calling pretty girls as “chicks”. Someone I even had the same crush with. Someone I always kid, “Kakaiba ka talaga” for getting people’s attention in a party or a road doing nothing, whatever they are, boy, girl, gay, tomboy.

You were someone who has the most sensitive nose and neck. Someone who has the most ticklish body ever. Someone who loves the smell of women’s perfume than men’s.

You were someone who was sick during my debut and told me you would not come but there you were. Someone who left after my program to play DOTA but promised me that will come back then woke me up the following morning just to say goodbye.

You were someone who makes maniac gestures in the middle of a sleepy class but would stop it when others take a look, which makes me looks like crazy laughing at nothing. Someone always tease me with one of the our weird classmates ever. Someone started that issue about Kristian and I during an Anaphysio Class. Someone will make stories about me, someone, or any other else as if they will real and would just end up laughing when I said, “Kalokohan mo” or “Mapanirang tao ka talaga”.

You were someone I always asked before a quiz or an exam and would answer correct even though you said you hadn’t reviewed the lectures yet. Someone when asked about home works would just answer, “Hindi ko alam eh”. Someone I will coach during a test and will get higher score than me.

You were someone who cried for the very first time, in front of me because of that irritating attention you received from someone then proudly told others that you did. Someone always cry not of sadness but because of receiving an overwhelming comfort.

You were someone who would laugh at my jokes no matter how stupid they are. Someone whom I can share my silly thoughts with but never raised eyebrows for that. Someone never got tired of listening to my unending stories about an ex-boyfriend. And someone who will not stop annoying me when I said I have something to tell even that has nothing to do with you.

You were someone I can hug in a crowd without you pushing me. Someone who won’t mind having my hands wrap around your arms and play with your muscles. Someone who loves it when I give your sweat hands as a massage. Someone I always smell despite of being perspired. Someone would play with my hands full of paint. Someone who’d play tired and let me pull him in the hands with all my strength. Someone would text an old man who gave me his mobile number. Someone who surprised me that he really can give me a piggy-back no matter how thin he is. Someone who is so close to me that was even mistaken to be my boyfriend.

You were the first one who gave me that lollipop I’m craving for so much. And that someone who touched me when you said, “Ang galing mo naman, kahit badtrip na ‘ko, napapatawa mo pa rin ako”.

You were someone who can push me to be strong in spite of things that suck. Someone who made me believe that everything's going to be okay. Someone will dance when I’m not in the mood. Someone accompanies me when everyone else has left. Someone promised to never leave and to wear that black toga with me two years from now.

Then this day, I woke up and realized that you couldn’t be, anymore.

With Love,
Ariane

P.S.
Thanks for all the memories, the stories, the thoughts, the secrets, everything. I’ll miss you.

Another goodbye

For a minute or two, I was happy when I saw my name on the official list of the Candidates for Capping. But, I really can't continue to smile and jump for joy knowing that a lot of people failed, especially those who became so special to me already.

Every semester, some people should have to say goodbye. And they will be added to the number of people you’ve lost before. Which is, the same reason why it doubles the pain you once felt.

I’ve gone through these things last semester, five months ago. But I have moved on somehow. I learned to accept that, yeah, maybe things really happen for reasons. I used to be okay but tonight, it just becomes too much. More than what it was. And I really can’t believe that I have to get over with this feeling. Again.

The news that came just few hours ago is so damn depressing. It doesn’t just hurt. It really sucks to feel this way. I don’t understand the way it is. And I bet time can never teach me how to.

Why? Again?

With Love,
Ariane