All Js must read this

This day, I realized that bein’ single is really good at all. It’s not because there would be no heartaches but because there’s a lot of time now for me and my friends.

Real love is like being in J. It is patient and kind. You spend time together because you truly enjoy each others’ company. You don't sit around and worry about whether they like you or how long the friendship will last because there's enough trust and acceptance that you don't need to question so many things. There is no end.

Unlike infatuation. Infatuation is a powerful, intense emotion that grabs you and doesn't let go. It's like a drug. It feels like it will last forever, but in reality it only lasts a short time.
I love bein’ in J… Just so love my blockmates.

With Love,
Ariane

Finally, I'm over it

Or much appropriate as over HIM?

There are a lot of things in my past that I wish didn't happen and a lot of regrets that I wish I could somehow mend or change. But today while I was lying down and trying to figure things out there was a tinge of realization that everything happens for a reason.

I was so pathetic all this time. I knew it since the beginning. But maybe I just really need to get used into it before getting over it. And being so emotionally disturbed with the past few weeks, or should I say, months finally came to an end. Thanks for the existence of Multiply where I expressed my unspoken thoughts and feelings but especially to my friends who were there during those tough times.

Now I realized that having a complicated relationship is not really a big deal. That my little problems are almost nothing compared to the heavy load others have to bear. Maybe while I whined about my stupid dumb feelings, someone else is worried about their next meal. I don't really understand half of what's going around me sometimes but I guess it is okay, nobody does anyway.

With Love,
Ariane

How could he?

I've come to realize that much as I think of myself as a cynical skeptic, or a skeptical cynic, there will always be someone or something that will prove me wrong. Each time, I break down and slowly come to terms with the fact that I have been naive all along. Again.

I sit here, dabbing at invisible wounds because I let my defenses down. Because I trusted. Because I loved. Because I thought someone understand and care. And was genuinely happy being with me. It's like he has his one hand caressing me while the other was wielding a double-edged blade at my back. That hand distracted with such warmth, so that when the blow finally came, it hurt even more.
How could he?

I remind myself again, that I don't really want to know anymore. Don't need to know. If it hurts to hear so much, and yet know nothing at all, I don't see the point in pursuing. I'll leave those stab wounds on my back gaping and bleeding to remind myself that I slipped and loved a little too much. That he didn't care about the long and arduous journey I took just to be with him. That all he wanted and cared was his own happiness, regardless of how many people he'll hurt.

I don't want to feel so much anymore. If I have to walk around for the rest of my life with both hands covering my ears, I would do it. The knowledge that everything was nothing just isn't worth it.

With love,
Ariane

I don't understand

Sometimes, I don't understand why despite the hurting, I still miss you. I think of you, if everything's well. It's always been about you. I've always wanted to be there for you, and I've always wanted you to count on me. It could probably be the only way to repay you for what you've done to my life.

I don't understand. I ask myself how I can always let you make me submit and swallow my pride. Even if I initially felt the pain, you would always turn the tables on me. Or how could you actually make me feel loved and miserable at the same time. Maybe I make you feel the same?

I don't understand why I still love you, why you can't get out of my system, why we can't get out of each other's lives.

I don't understand the way it works. It seems so unfair that even if people are meant for each other, it doesn't mean that they're meant for each other now.

With Love,
Ariane

I shouldn't have tried it again

Love is not really for me. Nobody really stays. They come but then they always go.

But I thought this one was different. I thought he was different. I was trying to be a better person for him. But I guess that's the problem, we were too different.

Damn, he told me to forget about my exboyfriend. Move on and not to worry because he'll gonna be there for me. And so I did. But just the same, he's now starting to walk away from me. Again, without giving me any valid reason at all.

Well, I know he's not my man. I don't have the right to get hurt or even angry with him. But why does he have to make me feel I was loved? When at the middle, he would be too, ignore me?

I promised not to cry again just for another guy but I did again, just now.

With Love,
Ariane