Goodbye?

*I had a dream and it was about you. I smiled and recalled the memories we had then I noticed that tears started to fall from my eyes until it covered up my face. You know why? ‘Coz in my dream you kissed me and said goodbye.*

I know we’re not going to break up. He might just fail a subject and that’s what frightens me. He might be out of the school next semester. Yeah, I know these are just what ifs but I just can’t refrain my mind from thinking how would it be living my life without him near me. The days have been brighter because he existed and now, the nights will surely be darker if he would be gone.

He had been the treasure in my hand. He had been the one who always stood beside me. So unaware, I foolishly believed that he would always be there. I even forgot that there will come a day, when I will turn my head and he will slip away. I’m going to miss his presence. You know, the thing that when I look around the classroom, there would be him. And then he would smile when he saw me looking at him. I’ll miss that music as he calls me Baby. I’ll miss leaning on his shoulders, holding his hands, hugging him almost every minute of the day just because I feel to do so. I'll miss waking up in the morning knowing that he'll wait for me at FCM  to go to school together. I’ll miss going home with him. I’ll miss his jokes. I’ll miss everything when I have him right here beside me.

I’m getting so irrational, I know, I had live my life without him before and I survived. Yet, he just became a part of it and my world seemed to start revolving around him. He became one of my sources of motivation in taking up nursing this semester. And I really don’t have an idea how to continue without him anymore.

OMG! I don’t know what to do right now. While I’m getting so paranoid here thinking about what would happen with my life at school without my Baby, I can feel how much he’s confused at this very moment on how he would tell his parents, what will happen to him the next month, where he would be going and so on and so forth. It’s hard to tell him that things will be fine, that it’s okay ‘coz I know it doesn't. Damn! I wanna relieve his heart from the depression he has right now but I don’t know how. Is being just right beside him worth my responsibility as his girl? Can my hugs and kisses enough to comfort him? It is so painful that I can’t do anything to make him feel better. It makes me feel so useless. I hate it.

With Love,
Ariane